If you have recently discovered that your spouse has been cheating on you, the first thing that might be helpful to do is take a minute to digest and take some time for yourself. It is natural to feel a range of emotions after learning about an affair, including shock, betrayal, hurt, and anger. You may not be ready to take any action yet – and you don’t have to. Give yourself some time to feel what you feel and to organize your thoughts, what you want moving forward. That will help you decide what steps to take next.
Once you are ready to start moving forward, there are some things you can do to help you move forward. Here are six steps to get you started:
1. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member for support. Talking about what you’re going through can help you process your emotions and start to heal. Make sure whatever decision you make, is what is best for you and not what others think you should or want you to do.
2. If you decide to stay and try to work through the infidelity, identify your needs and wants. Really take the time to think about what do you need from your partner in order to feel safe and secure in the relationship? You may not have all the answers at first and your needs may evolve with time and that is okay.
3.Communicate with your spouse. Once you have taken the time to understand what you need from your partner moving forward, it is important to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse and communicate your needs.
4.Get professional help. If you’re struggling to deal with the aftermath of infidelity, consider seeking out professional help. Counseling and/or working with a divorce/relationship coach can be very beneficial. A Divorce/Relationship Coach can help you not only work through your current emotions, but can help you with tools to move forward.
5.Focus on self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential during this time. Make sure to eat healthy, exercise, rest and try to do something every day that gives you joy.
6. If you are a private person and it is not easy for you to share something so personal with your friends and family, that’s okay. Maybe confiding in one trust friend or family member is enough. If that is too painful, consult a Divorce/Relationship Coach, someone outside of your circle for support. If you are one who needs and/or wants the support of their friends and family, that is ok to. There is no right or wrong way to get through this, do what is best for you. If building a support team is helpful to you, lean on your friends and family. Again, just do what feels best for you.
Moving forward after infidelity is not easy, but it is possible. By taking things one step at a time, you can begin to rebuild and create a new sense of normal.
If you are struggling to cope with the aftermath of infidelity, reach out for help. I can provide you with the tools and support you need to heal and move on.
Are you interested in some professional help after experiencing infidelity? Schedule your no-cost consult today. 916-616-6191 or Lspiers19@yahoo.com
Lorie D. Wood, Certified Mediator and Divorce Coach