Following a divorce, you might find dating once again to be more challenging than you ever imagined. While we don’t encourage anyone to rush into dating again, when you feel ready, it is can be exciting to find someone new to spend time with. However, there can be a lot of feelings that arise dating post-divorce. Jealousy and insecurity are two feelings that often crop up in new relationships. These are a few of our top tips for anyone struggling with jealousy and insecurity in a post-divorce relationship.

Keep Communication Clear and Honest

One of the reasons that many of us feel jealous or insecure in a relationship is that communication is neither honest nor clear. As someone who has recently been through a divorce, be as truthful as you can about any contact you have with your ex-partner. Like sharing custody, school events for your children, etc., If you are still sorting out the final details of your divorce, try and let your new partner know that.  You do not have to share specific details, just be honest about where you are in the process.  If you find your new partner feels uncomfortable with this, remind them that you enjoy spending time with them, and this won’t detract from that. Keep discussions about your past relationship to a minimum as well. Discussing your prior relationship or former spouse to much can be uncomfortable for both you and your new partner. While it’s important to bring up issues that you’ve experienced before, so they are not repeated moving forward, be mindful about how this might come across to someone else.   Remember it is usually not what we say, but how we say it that makes the difference.

Keep Building Your New Life

Many people use dating after divorce as a distraction, but that’s not necessarily a healthy way of dealing with this challenging time. Even if you feel ready to start dating, make sure you take the time to enjoy the activities you used to do as well, or try some new ones. It’s also a good idea to give some thought to what you want in your next relationship, what your boundaries and/or deal breakers are.  Take the time in advance to really know what you want and create a well-rounded life for yourself where you feel confident and independent.  There are no guarantees in any relationship and the only thing we can control is ourselves.  Take time to create the life you want, spend time with good friends and family, do things you enjoy.  When you are ready and you find someone to share your it with, it will just make life that much sweeter.   

Speak About Why You Feel Insecure or Jealous

If you or your partner are insecure or jealous, it’s important for the other person to understand why they feel this way. You might be doing something that triggers something in the other person without realizing, or they might be triggering you based on past experiences.  If they feel uncomfortable with your ex-partner, ask them why they feel this way.  If you feel uncomfortable with something, express your feelings to you partner.  The more you get to know each other, the more you’ll feel comfortable talking about your feelings and working together to create a healthy and loving partnership.  It is important to be able to communicate your feelings with your partner, it is also important to provide a safe space for them to do the same.  Setting the tone of communication in the beginning of the relationship can help avoid problems and/or difficulties in the future and lead to cultivating much healthier and happier relationships.